Born a Baby! December 24, 2011

This Christmas I will choose to stare at the wonder of it all. I will fight for a fascinated heart after laying hold of the beauty of the incarnation. I will choose to lift my gaze to the one seated in the highest, and follow Him to the incomprehensible, shocking low place of being born a baby. Oh, the beauty of this man, and the vast measure of His love for me found in this truth- Jesus born a baby. Oh, the utter givenness within His nature that lies in the fact that He gave entirely of Himself in causing the fullness of God to dwell bodily. Oh, the hope that I have in knowing that this is the nearness to which He has drawn (and is ever drawing). Oh, my heart, may His nearness overwhelm you. May His birth, His taking on of your frame, forever cause you to be enthralled. Captivate my heart, this season and onward, that I would not claim that this mystery I understand. OH, THE DEPTHS I FIND WHEN I STARE AT THE FACT THAT YOU WERE BORN A BABY!

It is really quite perplexing, the incarnation.  The One who exists in all things has now contained Himself to one human frame. He whose dwelling place is light abounding was born in the midst of a dark night. The One whose word upholds the earth had to learn how to speak…? The One who knew all the stars by name had, for a time, no understanding of the fact that they even existed.  He formed Mary, yet was formed in her womb. He created the very tree from which His manger was built. He scattered the seed which harvested the hay upon which He lay His head. He was daily His Father’s delight, yet knew that in becoming man He would one day become all that His Father hated (sin on the cross). “What have You done?” is all my heart knows how to say when I stare at this truth these days.

And the answers to this question I find are as vast as the perplexities. HE IS MY KING, and HE IS MY BROTHER! What has He done? He has come as near as near gets. Counting it not as loss, but as gain, for through this baby, born to die, do I now know Him. What has He done? He has declared to me His nature, made known to me His name. He is the One who gives. What has He done? He has given my heart no just cause to accuse Him of hiddenness and silence. What has He done? He has put on display, for all to see, His love and His determination to establish love within the human heart.

I am confronted by a God so tender and so compassionate, so rich in love, and so lowly of heart when I stare upon this baby. He is SO approachable, even now. SO near, even now. On this silent night, I hear loudly His cries proclaim “I became, that I would ever become, near to you. I drew near, that I would forever cause you to love my nearness. Oh, come near, come near to me. I became.”

The Why Behind Me Being Here: I want a life marked by persistant prayer! December 14, 2011

Tears are ever present lately. But no need to worry, they are tears I welcome. Tears I embrace. Tears I love experiencing. Tears that remind my heart of His commitment to win me over. Tears that are often public: Fellow coffee shop sitters, I do apologize if I am interrupting your time of solitude or heart exchanges. And I also appreciate the kind pats on the back. Hopefully, you touching my shoulder directed your heart into the love that these tears of mine have touched.

I am just undone by the fact that I live in Kansas City. It’s not so much the city in itself, but the place of night and day prayer. The fact that He has me here speaks to my heart that He wants me forever… and how can that not make you cry?
You see there’s this reality about night and day prayer, this reality of praying without ceasing that says “I’m committed to sealing within you fiery affections. I’m committed to empowering you to be sustained by the ultimate pleasures of abiding in me. I’m committed to causing you to know truth in your every part.” His invitation to pray at all times is first an invitation saturated with grace and mercy, and invitation that says “I want for you, a life filled with abundance.” It is an invitation to abide in His presence, cling to His love, live in His word, hold to His promise, remain fervent in spirit, believe for His coming! I use to hear this call and think “unobtainable”, but I am so undone by the fact that this call is the very thing He lives to empower me to stand in. I set the resolve of my heart to forever abide in the 24/7.

Psalm 77:2-“In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; In the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted”
I will seek Him in the day, I will reach to Him in the night. I wont relent. My soul will be satisfied with nothing less than God. The brightness of day will not lessen the intensity of my cry. The prolonged darkness of night will not find me silent. May You, Oh Lord, find me to be never satisfied with anything less.
Prayer disrupts everything, I tell you. I can’t account the amount of times throughout my day where what once was readily done without question is now interrupted. And I love it. I love that it ruins you for anything less, I love that it unsettles you in your deepest part when faced with that that is not touched by fullness. I love that it is setting yourself to refuse any other comfort.
And I love that in moving to Kansas City, the Lord is strengthening me to make this place of unrelenting prayer forever my dwelling place. Essentially, I am so encouraged in making the move to Kansas City, for I so want praying at all times to be my reality.

Other night and day prayer thoughts: persistence receives what intimacy alone does not (Luke 11:5-9), He doesn’t do things apart from partnership, and this partnership births the release of justice upon the earth (Luke 18:8), Night and day prayer is the concert to which the Lord will return (Revelation…) , The Lord is engaged in this reality (Hebrews 7:23-25), His unending glory warrant of unending praise (Justin Rizzo Chorus… haha… see the man who fills the entirety of the bibles pages )

SO MANY THINGS! Hence the tears. I moved to Kansas City for the reality of night and day prayer. Unaware of the depth of the zeal within His heart to cause this to be my dwelling place forever. SHEEESH!

ENTIRETY November 19, 2011

I moved to Kansas City. How about that? I still have to tell myself daily that home is on a street that I like to call Newton John… or most often New-Town-I-Live-Here-Now-Avenue. It’s a bit unreal. But, the best kind of real there is. My heart is so enjoying living here. Undone by the manner in which the Lord desires partnership. Overcome by the invitation to intimacy He extends moment by moment. Awestruck by His beauty. Stirred to see His influence increased within the nations. Aware of my unimpressive strength, so thankful for His grace. Enjoying the night that belongs solely to the Lord. SO IN LOVE. But, before I write about all that..I really must just praise Him for my time in Lubbock.

I took voice lessons the last week I was in Lubbock. And during one of my lessons I found myself standing at the pulpit of an entirely empty, totally dark sanctuary. I opened my mouth and spoke. (If you haven’t done this. Do. Place yourself in those chairs and go for it. If you have.. I would love to hear about it). I began to process a dialogue with the Lord that I had been having, unaware as to the depth that this dialogue had gone. My time in Lubbock, the past year or so, began to unfold before my eyes as my heart spoke to His heart which spoke to my heart which spoke to His all from the depths of longing. This matter of wholeheartedness, this excruciating cry to give my all, to withhold not any part of me, to agree in entirety to the testimony that I belong to Him fully, to walk out that in which His leadership is after establishing, This was put before my eyes as what Lubbock cultivated.

As I was talking on and on of instance after instance where the Lord made known His great love to me, so to empower me to give my all to Him…. As I was going on and on about how over every part of me,  with joy and jealousy, He claims ownership….. As I was looking at this list I didn’t even know I had culminated as to how to love Him with my mind, soul, heart and strength,..

I saw two books. One was my current journal, one put my current journal to shame. (and my current journal is pretty impressive, mind you. Haha). I was aware that I was looking at my story, how I saw it, and His, the true manner in which it is written. The page I began reading upon was in my version. It read “Lord, teach me. How to walk out that in which You have prophesied that I will be about. How is it that I love you will my whole heart? How is it that I love you with my whole strength? How is it that I love you with my whole mind? My soul? Give me the to-dos.Give me the steps. I really want to be about this” His page: “Danica cries out from the depth of her heart to be empowered by the revelation of my love. She asks that which can only be answered in the place of abiding in me. She joins with my leadership, one after establishing the full expression of love within her. She completely agrees to follow my leadership that is after in all things furthering love within her. ” IN ALL THINGS HE IS AFTER THE FURTHERING OF LOVE WITHIN ME! AH! The rest of my story were… was.. mundane.. when you come down to it. Little instances of my day to day in Lubbock. Partnered with His version, they were thrilling. He took notice of the the ins and outs, the agains and agains, the normal experiences>>> where I had written, “Today, I went to work, got coffee and read” I could write “In everything, I had opportunity to lavish love upon the Lord, for He in everything today has lavished love upon me”

THIS IS WHOLEHEARTEDNESS! THIS IS ENTIRETY! Where throughout the day, the heart cries how can I love you in this moment? In the normal of doing dishes, how can I give you my love? In the simplicity of driving from destination to destination, can I be found in this exchange or affection? In even the secret thoughts of my mind, mark me! In my work ethic and attitude. Blown away I was by the detail of His story and by the endless opportunity to partner with Him in love. What little things He put before me to do as a love offering. His pages were vast. His list all the more longer than mine. SO ENCOURAGED.

Through my time in Lubbock, through the living with friends and family, being in weddings, having of a job, serving at the church, working out and having a lot of free time, the Lord taught me that what He most craves and asks of me is my entirety.  Where everything is given, nothing is lacking. He measures quantity, He counts it when it is of full measure. Wholehearted love is what I am to be about. He has purosed it so. He leadership is unto the furthering of this expression.

And I am blown away as to the dialogue that only just begun in my sweet hometown.A dialogue that opened to my heart in an empty sanctuary at that.

Capstone Crossfit… Lessons Learned. August 31, 2011

What is CrossFit? CrossFit is a strength and conditioning system built on constantly varied, if not
randomized, functional movements executed at high intensity. It is a workout program designed to enhance your endurance, strength, conditioning, and overall fitness level.

There are many (and I really do mean many) things I have enjoyed about being a member of  Capstone Crossfit. The thing in which I enjoy most being the truths of the scripture that have opened up before my eyes through giving myself to pursuing strength, endurance and fitness within my physical body.  I have found time and time again during a workout a verse highlighted, a prayer awakened, a parable brought forth. A.W. Towzer once said that “You can see God everywhere, when your heart is set to love and obey Him,” And in my past six months at crossfit, I have seen the Lord reveal to me the wonders of  His word and the beauty of His name.

My first crossfit workout..well, okay, my first one I didn’t finish and threw up twice… but, my first one after that I found the words “Lord, I am in desperate need of endurance,”  consistently streaming throughout my mind and about the only prayer I could pray for days. His response? EXTREME DELIGHT! HOW HE LOVES THIS REVELATION! THIS CRY FUELS CONSISTENCY TO RUN AFTER HIM FOR ALL ETERNITY! And running into His heart  into His heart of endurance I was led. Because I will only become one marked by endurance if I behold the endurance within Him, and breakthrough is granted to me in my innerman by the Holy Spirit. Beholding the one who has dreamed of me for all of eternity, and with steadfastness runs after my hearts response.  Beholding the one who with all endurance is awaiting the restoration of that in which He established from the beginning. Beholding  the one who endured the cross. Beholding the one who faithfully bears perfect witness to His Father in heaven with all perfection. Beholding the one who does not sleep or grow weary. Beholding the one who is perfect endurance,  this is the only means to which endurance may be in me. This is a lesson I am most grateful for in the experience of crossfit. If I can hardly handle 25 wall balls and a 400 meter run for three rounds- how much more in the spiritual should endurance be my aim?! How often I quit when prayers are unanswered! How often I stop when my heart is seemingly unmoved! How often I embrace lethargy when distance is all I know. How often do I find myself again setting my heart. “Lord, this endurance which is in you, may it be in me.”

And in asking for His endurance to be manifested within me He is faithfully answering through revealing to me endurance tips that shall strengthen me to running to obtain the eternal prize of knowing Him. 

• Establish the importance of that which you are giving yourself to: I mentioned before that I did not finish my first ever crossfit workout. When I began,  fItness was not something I esteemed. Not even a thought for over two years. I graduated and out the window it went. And that was wrong. Before signing back up, the Lord resolved within my heart that there is worth to being disciplined in working out.  You only commit to that in which you find important. The worth of Jesus, His incomparable riches, this must be continually before me. He is worthy, and my heart recognizing this worth- this alone will keep me coming after Him.

• Set Goals: Know where it is your aiming. Know what is is You’re after.  And yes, there are days where my goal is simply “Finish”.. but, even in that Oh, the reward.

• Position yourself for strengthening: Important to achieving a new level of fitness is the positioning of yourself to get there. Begin where you need to, but gradually advance. Try real push ups the whole workout. Try a heavier weight in kettle bell swings. Try an hour of prayer. Really be intentional in partnering with the guard He has put over your mouth.

• Watch what you eat: But, for real, though. What goes into your body can enhance your performance or can hinder. Simple. Maybe hours of television isn’t the best solution, and music that don’t establish my thoughts in Him probably isn’t worth the time. And conversation that is dull, I’ll pass. Seeing everything I do as something that will influence my devotion to Him is key.

• Receive Correction: The coaches  know what they’re talking about. And when they correct your posture, it’s for your good. Really, your feet and where they lie can make all the difference. And that inch lower on the squat, brings forth the best results. Correction is a manifestation of love. And when He corrects me, disciplines me, that should cause my heart to rejoice. Better able am I to now pour my love upon Him. And encouragement: Nothing keeps me going more than a simple “Well done!” “You’ve got this!” “Nice job!” His affirmations lead me on.

• Watch (and practice) your posture: Deadlifts are my least favorite. Well, I do hate burpees. And dips are just difficult. And handstand push-ups- goodness. Okay, back to deadlifts. I think the reason I don’t like them is because there’s a lot to pay attention to. Chest up. Shoulder blades together. Weight on heels. Eyes Up. Back Straight. Butt Out. It’s almost overwhelming. But, I’ve come to find that pushing your shoulder blades back helps me keep my chest up. And sticking my butt out keeps that back straight. They all enhance eachother. And when intentionally paying attention to each postitioning, you perform well and safely. How much more when devoted to a life lived in the word will I be able to sustain a life prayer? How much more when positioned to bless Him, will I be found worshipping?   

• Keep your eyes on the Horizon: Every and any and all and each time we set out for a run, whether in the WOD itself or just in warm up, I hear these words from a coach. Similar to the gentle reminders of the Holy Spirit throughout my day that is  “Eternal perspective, Beloved”. With each declaration from the coach to keep my eyes on the horizon, I find my heart encouraged again towards running on the highway that is within my heart towards Zion.

I could go on, but this far longer than I intended.  It sure took a lot of words  to say  “Thank you, Capstone Crossfit. For positioning me to begin dialoging with the Lord about the strength and endurance found within His heart and how it is I can get there.”

Empowered for wholeheartedness through the affirmations of His delight in my attempt! June 13, 2011

I’m the object of His affection. Oh, that He would have all of mine.
I was created for glory, that He may receive the glory due His name.
I’m the one He lives to fascinate, and how I long for my heart may respond in right exhilaration.
I’m the one He loves to speak to in the secret, that I may live and proclaim what He speaks in all my ways.
I’m the one He pursues, as I encounter His pursuit may I set the resolve of my heart to pursue Him.
I’m the one He revealed Himself to, that I would live in proclamation of the excellencies of His glory.
I’m saved, because he refused to live without me. and I want to live my life refusing any lesser pleasure, after fully a life of superior delight in communion with Him.
He loves me!!!!! and oh, that I may love Him in the same manner.

I’m blown away by how He affirms the cries of my heart. He sees my aim and resolve toward wholeheartedness. Toward living all for His glory. Toward loving Him well. Though my love is not perfect in maturity, though my love is not full in quality, He showers me with  words that let me know He counts it because its full in measure and full in quantity!  He sees it all. He counts it all. My weak attempts overwhelm His heart.

And He is leading me unto perfect maturity and full quality.
With each affirmation, I’m spurred to run on. With each “well done!” “I see you!” “YES!” “It counts!” “How beautiful your heart towards me!” “There is no area of compromise in your heart!” all I want is to do is choose love again.

He moves us forward in love through proclaiming His affirmation over our virtues, though they are yet budding. And He can, because His leadership is perfect, and committed, to producing the fullness of love within us.

wholeheartedly, with all of my entirety, I want to be given to this man.

The Story of the Ages. May 27, 2011

From the beginning, within the heart of God, it was His dream that I may dwell with Him in wholehearted unity, to live in exhilarated delight, to have my senses alive in beholding the glory of God. OH, HIS HEART!
Been looking at Genesis, and been astounded by who He is, and in that who He sees me as. He is powerful, He is creative, He is eternal, He is Holy, He is the beautiful one.
and in Genesis 2, I, we, are introduced as the object of His affection, the bearer of Him image, the one created to delve the depths of God and walk with Him. Do I know who I am? I was created for God, by God, that I may respond rightly in praising the glory He is kind enough to let my eyes see and my heart know.
What a humble breath- Holiness forever becoming a part of my frame, the created infiltrated with the DNA of the uncreated one. Dirt, He rejoiced over, knowing it was me He was creating. Goodness.
AND THEN. He placed me in a garden. A garden. The place made for love and encounter. The place that would delight the entire of my senses. The place of unique beauty. The place where He would come and dwell.
AND THEN He set me as the one to tend and keep this place. To cultivate delight, to rejoice in the beauty of. To tend and to keep, to play an active role in thrilling the heart of God in enhancing His dwelling place. Do I know who I am?
AND THEN hahah. He commanded me to not eat of a tree. That I would rule and reign the earth in which He has given me dominion from no other source than the place of His heart. His kindness revealed to me the death that lies within seeking another source that is not His nearness. He longs for me to rule and live from that in which He tells me in the secret, rather than seeking human intuition, and looking to what I know first. HOW KIND is He to let me know that Him alone is where I find wisdom. [heart, remember!]
I named the animals, to recognize again the image in which I bear. Before me He brought the animals in pairs, so that my heart would embrace the longing live in which His heart knows well. He longs for a worthy companion, the way I long for a like heart to walk life with. I am like God, in that I have the capacity to experiencing longing love.
and in the fullness of my longing, He put me to sleep. That from my side would come forth a bride.
WHICH TELLS of the sleep that His Son would endure, that from His wounded side, would come forth one equally yoked in Holiness, His bride. DO I KNOW WHO I AM?
I am the one He has longed for from the beginning. He thought about sharing Himself with me from the beginning of time.
I am saved, because He refused to live without me. And I am saved, that I may give Him the glory that He deserves. He reveals Himself to me, and that cannot go without response.
I do not exist that I would make much of myself, [though His heart seems to], I exist to make much of Him as I walk with Him, from glory to glory.

Provoked and Compelled. Touched and Alive. May 11, 2011

Jesus.

I feel like His name alone could be all this post entails and it would say it all. And really, it would. He is the highest revelation of God. He is the highest revelation of what I will become. The heartbeat of God concerning His Son is the culmination of all of my desires. He is the answer. In Him heaven and earth will be brought together.  He is the unique, supreme revelation of the living God, and when you have Him- you have it all. And when you don’t- you have nothing.

Jesus.

I. am. overcome. Rent and Undone.

Because this man, I can say I know Him. I hated God. I was a child of wrath. I lived in complete opposition of the testimony of His name. AND THEN- THOUGH I WAS DEAD TO HIM AND DESERVED COMPLETE AND TOTAL CONDEMNATION, ETERNAL SEPERATION- HE MADE A WAY FOR ME TO DWELL WITH HIM! HE CAME AND TOUCHED ME WITH ETERNITY!
I deserved for the tidal wave of His wrath to come crashing down upon me yet, Jesus, He stood over me, covered me, sheltered me from the coming crash, bore it ALL that I might come out unscathed. He touched me with His love and I am now alive and live after relationship with Him.

and this- this is compelling. Because it wasn’t just for me. I am so prevailed to contend for this testimony to go forth. I want to yell at the top of my lungs that life is knowing this love. I want to grab the hearts of all that I pass and place within them the love that the Lord lives to make known to them. I don’t want to leave it up to you, whomever you might be. And I hope you don’t leave it up to me. I pray we do this together.

The fact that Jesus is so deeply personal to me warrants it so.

Jesus.

so, this I know.. April 12, 2011

I know that I trust Him. Immensely. Immeasurably. Without doubt. I trust Him. He has given me reason to again and again. He’s given me Himself, when I deserved hell. and when I face circumstances that make me think that He has something other than my best in mind- I remember that He has showered me with the most valuable best of all. If I were to doubt His goodness- I would be acting a fool. I know I trust Him. He’s entrusted me with Himself.

That alone would be enough to sustain me in this. That alone would be enough to keep me on the journey to the promised future fulfillment. Yet still, He’s given me so much more. He’s birthed such proclamations in my heart. It’s unreal His kindness. The things He continually tells my heart that I may remember the answer to the “whys?” “what fors?” and “now what?” that my heart seeks.

My life has changed a bit recently. Circumstances look a little different from the past eight months. And I’ve been asking these questions. And I’m writing this that bitterness [cynicism, unbelief, the inability to look beyond] may not take root or have any influence upon my thoughts or my communication of where I’m at to others. I want to take the time to not be defiled by bitterness.

Why? If the why in this is only that my life would be challenged to explode in an eruption of praise- then may I embrace it fully. May the testimony of my life be that I love His leadership, His ways, His name. That His heart is good and no amount of anything that happens could lead me to believe otherwise. Maybe it was all unto my heart coming alive in loud cries of who it is I know Him to be, longing to know Him to be these things even deeper. May I embrace the invitation to declare who He is in a vibrant lifestyle of joyous praise in the midst of any situation.

But I don’t think that was the only why in this. I feel so strongly that the why in this (and always will be no matter what the this is) is that I may know the Lord my God. His banner over me is love. He leads so as to reveal to my heart in the deepest depth His love, His character, His heart. He is after the greatest amount of revelation in the most efficient manner. And quite frankly, this, all that I’m going through is how I learn. The why in this is that I may know the Lord, my God, for He is my life. And it is about personally receiving the parts of Himself that He has entrusted to me. The part of His heart that is lovesick. The part of His heart that so desires intimacy. The part of His heart that is more committed to me and my desires than I can fathom. The part of His heart that is jealous to have no lesser love rival His. The part of His heart that burns with desire over me personally. I have been invited deeply into the knowledge of Him. He leads in such a way that this will always be the invitation before me. And this is a why.

Another why is so that I could come face to face with the things my heart wants. He has awakened desires and dreams within me and declared to me His committment to them. It’s been beautiful.

And you know what else is beautiful? The fact that Christ is committed to dwelling in my heart- fully! Though I am poor and lowly, He counts me holy, and causes for His dwelling place to be my insides. Oh, that He might increase within me. That reverberating within my inner man would be the testimony of His presence alive in me! This is the why. This is the what for. and this is the what I do now. I set my eyes on the Heavenly man and I take every step towards Him that His testimony would be confirmed within my heart. This is what it is all about. My heart being postured for the more of Him.

So, this I know,  as long as these cries are still the cries of my heart. Cries of “I trust You”.Cries of “Youre so remarkably good”. Cries of “the beauty of Your heart astounds me”. Cries of “Dwell here”. and oh so much more. as long as I’m here- I’ve got a reason to sing.

So, no matter the “what fors?”‘ and the “whys?” the “Now What?” is this- I’m setting my eyes, locking my gaze, on the beauty of the heavenly Man in whom my soul loves and trusts, and I am taking every possible step towards Him. The highway in my heart that is to direct me to the place where His glory dwells, I’m going to be found on it. I want to be inundated with joy as I long for the fullness of His presence. He is good. He is soooooo good. My now what is to never stop craving the more of the goodness I’ve tasted.
So, this I know…. I love Him.

Exhilarated Delight & Distressed Desire January 12, 2011

My heart is overcome with an ache, a longing, a yearning, a piercing, a wound, pain… and the name of it all?  Lovesick.

Every moment of His first coming is to be so valuable- an escort into increasing affection. It all beautifully draws me into His heart. Though the revelation I’ve received is just a drop, it completely fills me with a desire to know more. I’ve barely witnessed His delights, I’ve barely seen His beauty, I barely live as though He is the only thing that satisfies- I must be taken deeper into the journey of loving Him. When I see Jesus, and who He is I am filled with exhilarated delight which inevitably pushes me into the yearning, the longing for more, it places within me a distressed desire to receive fullness.

Oh, that the testimony over me from Jesus Himself would be “I have found one who misses me wholly, who longs for me completely. Who refuses comfort from anything but my presence”

joy inexpressible and full of glory December 26, 2010

I have been born again to a living hope. My expectations have been given a center, and His name is Jesus Christ. He is my inheritance . An inheritance that is the most beautiful. He lives revealing this beauty to my heart. I live that He might be able. Oh, that my heart would be open to knowing You fully! He lives blessing me with the treasures of heaven. What mercy! What manner of love! He has brought from death to life and I will be revealed as a son of God. I live on this earth now that through every instance, every moment-the trials, the pressing, the day to day-  I may know my Father and the way His heart beats when He calls me Son. The way He delights in saving me to the fullest. He delight in saving me to the fullest! He loves me. I love Him. He will reveal me as a son of God! I trust this- with laughter and singing, with joy and songs of praise! Though I have not seen Him with my natural eye, I know.  My heart is fixated on the beauty that He has spoken and revealed straight to me, and that equips me to live for the hope I have in salvation. What joy! What glory!  I will be revealed as a son of God. There is an inheritance kept in heaven for me. I believe in Him- I have everything to live for!

1 Peter 1: 3-9 joy inexpressible and full of glory!